Maybe Winter . . .

would be a little more tolerable if I could march around the city as a snow queen.

Really, what could get you down?

Just for Lish . . .

Tizzy N' Lish have many stories. Fact.
One of those involved Lish being suspended in a snow bank by her chin and toes. Fact.

I came across this picture on a blog and I busted a gut. Fact.
Missing you and your escapades. Fact.

I love random coincidences. 
Nothing at all to do with each other.
But memories are funny that way.
 Sometimes they whisper in your ear,
or it could be a knock on your door,
other times it's a smack right across your face.
This was a pleasant whisper that still makes me smile.

 

Go out there and have fun everyone!

It's 2011 - for peets sake.

The first weekend in fact.

Let's not let this one go to waste.

Start the year off right.

xoxo

How the heck did she do it

I am impressed by this picture of Kate Gosselin. How the heck does her body look like that after 8 kids. Yes, I know there was a tummy tuck involved and clearly a boob job too. But come on she has to get some credit too. I mean did you see the picture of what her stomach looked like when she was pregnant with the 6? But also look at her legs and her butt. Where is the cellulite? I feel like I would be a lot happier with my body if I could get rid/deminish some of the cellulite. Cause I know from experience that just losing those 10 lbs or so does not necessarily lose the cellulite. Oh and I like that suit too.

I knew it

"Mental toughness is something like the physical strength: It cannot develop without exercise, and it breaks down when overworked."

This quote is from a NYT article (which I can't link cause I don't know how). But it doesn't surprise me. I have said for years when you have more to do, you do more. I always just thought is was because you had to be more organized, more efficient, more selective. Apparently I was wrong though, when you have more to do you do more because your brain is a muscle that is apparently in its best shape. I also didn't realize

I remember three years ago when I was in school full-time and working full-time having an absolute S-O-S moment. I was driving home from school at 10 pm, chatting on the phone with stylish older sister, and I legitimately broke down in tears because I was so overwhelmed with everything. It was 10 pm, I wasn't home yet, I had to be at work at 7 am for a meeting, I had no clean underwear, and I was soooooo tired. There was no way I could stay up long enough to do laundry. Luckily stylish older sister is crafty so she instructed me to a) calm down b) wear tights and a dress to the meeting (no undies required) and c) go to bed when I got home, everything would be better in the morning. She was semi-right things didn't calm down for a couple weeks because it was our busy season at work, and nearing the end of semester at school. At the time I didn't think I was JUST overwhelmed. I thought I needed to do something better, and be mentally tougher. According this quote/article that wasn't right either. I was overdoing it. Which people told me, but when you are in the zone and it seems to be working out, when it starts falling apart you don't think it's that you took on too much. You think that you have somehow slipped, or let it get the best of you. Not that you were overdoing it for months, and like a muscle that will pull, your brained just pulled.

Exactly how I feel about the holidays. . .

This is how I spent the holidays -

and the hats that we wore while doing it to it.

 

And so it was. . .

So I've been bad at keeping up.

The Holidays were upon us.

We were away and although I was constantly coming across things I wanted to share on the blog.

I just never got around to it.

So in thinking back about the year that was 2010 -

this is what it was for me.

I wrote this in the beginning of November when I needed to clear my head.

And so I got it all out.

But then I had to call my family and let them know.

After poking that bruise repeatedly - I couldn't open this post and put it out there.

But now I'm on the other side and it's a shiny, happy new year.

So I'm just going to share it.

This song also pretty sums up my past year.

But this is the end of it.

Many more happy new things going forward.

Buckle up,

Here we go.

This was the closest that we got.

These perfect little embryos.

We affectionately called them our test tube babies or the twins.

But unfortunately for us - this is all they will remain.

For years we've tried to have a baby.

And as tedious and maniacal as you can be -

with the dr.'s appointments and the medicines and the diet and the restrictions -

there is no guaranteed success.

 I've given my self injections, taken pills, and jumped through every hoop imaginable.

But worse than any of that is the constant head game and deals you are trying to reach with God.

I just don't know why he's not responding.

I promise not to eat goat cheese or drink wine.

I won't run for a train or even get off my couch.

Just please take us off this awful treadmill.

With each new procedure or hope

there has only been the same crushing defeat at the end.

We just never seem to have any good news.

And it never occurred to me before this -

but we aren't used to losing.

We've now completed our 2nd round of IVF and I am gutted emotionally.

When we found out last night it didn't work - I couldn't even cry.

We will go on.  We have before.

I don't want to be consoled.

I don't want anything.

I know we are loved and there are so many people who so desparately want this for us.

It's so hard disappointing them as well.

I was excited at first to talk about the process and share the tedium.

But now I can't.

There is a huge hole in my heart and my plans.

It's taken away my summer(really my past 2 years) and at times all of my hope.

No one seems to be able to fix it.

Instead, we wake up and go to work.

Pretend that everything is normal.

Amazed as it seems that everyone around me gets pregnant and has babies.

 Somehow we weren't invited to that party.

So today I will cry and be sad and mad and frustrated -

Hopefully tommorrow will be better.

See - I still have hope.

How are you going to own 2011

For those of you who have been hiding under a rock, Oprah Winfrey started her own network. Aptly entitled OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network). I have to say I love the name, I love the play on initials, I love that is means Oprah Winfrey, and that it's her own. Very catchy good job.

As part of her viral marketing campaign she gave certain bloggers (not moi, obvi it's only our friends and family who read this, and we're not sponsored) advance looks at the shows, and then asked them to post on their site how they were planning to OWN 2011, and which show they were most excited for. Love this idea, love the play on own again, but mostly I like the idea of owning a year, instead of having resolutions, or objectives. Those seem so flip floppy like yeah I didn't do it, but it was just a resolution. So it got me thinking, I want to own 2011. What am I "owning" up to this year. What do I want to take possession of either emotionally, financially, creatively, aspirational? There are a lot of things actually, but they are private, and I am superstitious, so I can't tell you. It would be like telling you what I wished for when I blew out my birthday candles. One thing I will tell you is I plan to be less judgemental.